Fat Fuck

I'm disgusted with myself. I'm so angry right now its not funny. All I want to do it beat the shit out of myself. Tonight's workout was to run a 5k. That's about 3 miles. I decided to still do it even though it was storming outside. I only did half. Let me re-phrase that, I was only able to do half. I realise that I need to work at it that its not going to come easy. I get that. I'm just starting to realize that I let myself get like this. Being lazy and fat was more important to me than my health and my family and my pride. It was much easier to grab for the bag of chips or the triple stacker from Burger King, when I should have just gotten my fat ass up and been active.
I used to love to run. I was good at it. I averaged a 7.5 minute mile. I could run 3 miles in just under 23 minutes. Now look at me. I can't even run a 400m without feeling like I'm gonna die. I'm so angry. I feel like the lies I have been telling myself these past 10 yrs are starting to come to the surface. The truth is coming out. I hate what I have let myself become. I didn't say I hate myself, just the fat tire that smacks my thighs when I do tuck jumps. This IS a journey, and this realization is part of that. I can not lie to myself anymore. I can't excuse the laziness, I can't excuse the sloth, the over eating. If anything this has just fueled my fire to become who I am meant to be. My body doesn't deserve it. My family doesn't deserve it. My beautiful wife doesn't deserve to have this mass of a man instead of the man she married.
If your offended by the title of this post you can do 1 of 2 things, stop reading it or realize I'm just calling a spade a spade. Tonight was wake up call to me. This isn't a game. No more jokes. I need to be responsible and stop with the excuses. I became a fat fuck because I am selfish and lazy. I WILL change that.
By the way, this isn't a pity party. This isn't a cry out for encouragement. I know you guys love me. This is just a part of my journey. Me, finally dropping the bullshit and being honest with myself.